Sunday, February 19, 2012

Separateness Is So Very Important To My Ego-Mind

My mind is often like a dog at a beach – digging and digging to uncover negative thoughts, feelings and fears, and then rehearse ugly scenarios, or rehash old problems.
Recently I read the following message from a site I subscribe to. It’s a collection of sayings with a brief commentary on AA’s spiritual wisdom. It’s called “Wisdom of the Rooms” and is posted by Michael Z.  Like my posts, it is free. [Want to subscribe, as well? Visit:]
"If only my mind would leave me alone," I often think. I have what I call a "digging mind." Like a dog at the beach, it digs and digs and digs in a problem, a worry, or in some other imagined potential problem area or scenario often without my approval or awareness. It loves to uncover negative thoughts, feelings and fears, and then rehearse ugly scenarios, or rehash old problems.
“My digging mind is not only relentless, but it is consistently negative as well. I never find it digging in a positive or hopeful place…. No, driven by a hundred forms of self-centered fear, it searches the beaches of disappointment and failure, and digs away.
“R&R always meant physical relaxation to me. It wasn't until I heard this saying that I thought to give my digging mind a break as well. In fact, before this saying I didn't realize how active my mind stayed when I did try to rest and relax. Today I realize the importance of reigning in my digging mind and allowing (sometimes forcing) it to rest and relax as well. Giving myself a break - a total break - provides me with the renewal and space I need to let the love and light of my Higher Power in. Today, I've learned how to truly rest and relax.
“R&R stands for rest and relaxation not rehearse and rehash!”
The single thought that struck me right between my eyes was the comment “…it is consistently negative…” That is a right-on description of my monkey mind, which I often refer to as the shitty committee that lives in the universe between my ears. It is absolutely and dependably negative. It blames, shames, wonders “why me?” finds fault, sees the glass half empty, reignites my fears of scarcity and lack, reinforces my belief that I am (and will continue to be) somehow “less than.”
Rationally, I know all my negative issues have nothing to do with actual reality – it is always an inside job. It is simply my perception. It is my attitude. It is my outlook. It is my propensity to be fearful and anxious. It is my constant tendency to look outside myself for the source of my problems or the source of my solutions.
When I stop to think, it is actually really arrogant. It is arrogant to believe that my perception harbors the real truth of the universe. It is arrogant for me to believe my perception of what the Bible (or any sacred writing) is really saying is the only correct one. It is arrogant to believe I truly know what is best for me – the guy who believed I had to have alcohol in my system 24-hours-a-day to feel normal and never, EVER, considered this to be abnormal.
I heard an Evangelical preacher on YouTube describe, in light of Jesus’ instruction to forgive someone 70 times 7, that “…Well Jesus lived 2,000 years ago and He didn’t know about Muslims and terrorists.” The preacher was really saying, “I cannot fathom forgiving a Muslim or Terrorist. Therefore, neither can God.” That’s absolute arrogance. Yet, I do it all the time. So do you. Just not in such a dramatic fashion.
My ego-mind has to constantly convince me that my perception of reality is accurate – and certainly more accurate than yours. It accomplishes this by reinforcing its belief in my separateness. It is always telling me, in thousands of different ways, that I am really a body – 5’-8” – and nicknamed “bird legs” when in high school. Somewhere in this body is my soul or spirit. It will continue to live on after my body dies. My soul or spirit will then go on to live forever in Heaven or Hell. Implicit in all this is the constant message: “Don, you are your body; it has a soul; All others are in ‘different’ bodies with ‘different’ souls.”
If my ego-mind can convince me that all my issues are “out there” somewhere, then I will remain separate from you and everyone else. The “everyone else” includes God, the Holy Spirit, Jesus the Christ, and spirit guides or angels. They, too, are separate from me. Yes, I believe they love me, but they are somebody else. They are somewhere I am not. They are in a form I am not. They are not here unconditionally. They are here with me only if I acknowledge them, believe certain things about them, say certain things, profess certain things. If I don’t, they’re outta here and I am toast.
I pray and sometimes it seems to work and sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t my first thought is “what did I do wrong? Why aren’t they listening to me now?”
As I’ve said before in these messages, when I concentrate on training my mind to understand it’s an inside job, to think of me – not as a body – but as an already-loved eternal spirit simply having a human experience, then I can connect with you. Then, I know you are also an already-loved eternal spirit simply having your human experience. My already-loved eternal spirit, your already-loved eternal spirit, and the Holy Spirit are truly as one. Just as we are.
I am already loved. I make mistakes rather than commit sins. I am guided rather than being saved. Just as I am, I am as God intended, although I get in my own way, which prevents me from fully living what God intended. I am still loved. I am still guided by the whispers of the Holy Spirit. I just need to quiet my mind – stop digging at the beach – so I can hear (and heed!) Spirit’s message for me now.
Thanks for listening and, as always, please forward this message to your friends and family.
#3 February, 2012  

No comments:

Post a Comment