Saturday, September 27, 2014

Cunning. Baffling and Powerful Felix

This was a bad week for me. I got very angry and it really surprised me – and not in a good, positive way. I had thought I had kind of gotten that part of me under control. Boy, was I in error! Last week [Msg-3-Sep-2014; My Schizophrenic Spiritual Self] I had discussed how Felix (my lower self) had “temper tantrums, a dismal outlook on life, a black-or-white or win-or-lose approach to living, a chorus of voices in my head that can comprise his presence, a belief in lack, and a perception that all my problems are “out there.” All of that was out in full force last week for about 2 hours. It frightened me. I began getting down on myself in a big time way. Coupled with that I began getting down on myself for getting down on myself.
When I was a young parent and my daughter, Leslie, was only 18 months old, I had bought her some new shoes. She was thrilled. These were not the typical white high-top “baby” shoes. She would walk all over the house simply looking down at her shoes and feet as she walked. Tickled pink. Proud as punch. Happy as a lark. In that posture of chin-on-chest she proceeded to walk into the edge of an open door. Ouch! She had a big bump on her head and a little broken skin. Scared. Hurt. Crying.
Earlier this week, I think I had become like a little Leslie. I had become enamored with a little more significant level of spirituality – enamored enough to become “full of myself.” I had been praying more. I had been centering myself a little more – several times daily. I had been more aware of little intuitive thoughts throughout the day that seemed to be coming from outside myself – thoughts that were unlike my normal thoughts – and were very helpful to me. Boy! This spiritual program was working! Yipee!
I was freshly face-to-face with the power and reality of Felix. If I thought (and I do!) alcohol was cunning, baffling, and powerful, then Felix had to be right up there with all the guile he could muster. As I mentioned, not only was I down as a result of my outburst, I became down on me because I was down on me. It was a deadly spiral I had experienced before.
I’m coming back. Writing and focusing on this message has been a tremendous help. I had thought about skipping this week. I’m glad I didn’t. So, thanks for listening once more. I’m remembering that I can always begin again by making another choice.
I cannot remember where I heard this or read this, but it is stated so very simply: A Course In Miracles (ACIM) tells me that my function in this world is to forgive by understanding that you and I make errors and we are all One. To forgive in this light requires me to operate from a new perception. When my perception changes ACIM calls this the Atonement. It is my willingness to allow the Holy Spirit or Jesus to retranslate what I see.  All I need to do is be open and willing – not become smug or proud or complacent with myself. Because I did do just that earlier this week, Felix grabbed hold of that sliver of ego and I was devastated.
When I mention that spiritual growth is wonderful, but often painful, what happened to me is a perfect example. It has been a great, but disturbing, learning experience.
What a journey!
Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.
#4 September 2014

Copyright, 2014

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