Saturday, July 4, 2015

All My Fears Are Between My Ears

With all that’s happened over the past several weeks, I found myself just reeling:
  •         The Supreme Court (SCOTUS) putting the healthcare issue to bed for good;
  •         SCOTUS resolving the same-sex marriage issue;
  •         SCOTUS resolving the gerrymandering issue;
  •         The white supremacy massacre in Charleston, SC
  •         The President’s magnificent eulogy at the funeral of one of the victims;
  •         The South Carolina decision to consider taking the Confederate flag off the capitol grounds and moving it to a museum;
  •         The corresponding decisions by corporate America and other southern states to follow suit.

My mind was in overdrive and it wasn’t all very good.
At first I was overwhelmingly elated... then my egoic thoughts took over:
  •         South Carolina would never vote to remove the flag. Neither will the other states;
  •         Some angry white supremacy group will make an overt attempt to assassinate Mr. Obama;
  •         After all the hubbub nothing real will have been accomplished;
  •         Lawyers will scour and find loopholes in the Supreme Court’s decisions – it’ll all go back into court;
  •         Don’t get too excited, Donnie, soon some ‘other shoe’ will drop.

Secondly, I found a small piece of paper while cleaning my office in preparation for some guests coming over. It contained a small verse that I wrote although I have no recollection of writing it, nor where it came from. It said: “Between the ears lies all your fears.”
Finally, I received a message from the author of Wisdom of the Rooms, Michael Z, whose message was entitled, “I’m glad that what’s happening in my head isn’t happening in my life.”
He opened his message with the following: “I don't know why, but my perception of my life is always different - and worse - than the reality of my life. I can be in line at Starbucks, and that's what's happening, but in the storm in my head I'm thinking the line is so slow I'll be there forever; the coffee won't be hot enough; the traffic will be horrible; I'll be late; I'll miss that big deal, and then I'll lose my job and join the rest of the world of the unemployed in the 2nd Great Depression. And this is all just in line at Starbucks!
I couldn’t help but laugh as I read this. That’s exactly what I had been doing with all the recent news.  Just like Michael Z, my thoughts are not positive. Why don’t I get overwhelmed from inner thoughts that are uplifting? Hopeful? Loving? Peaceful? But they’re not. They’re dire, foreboding, dark, or negative.  
I believe they are that way because they are thoughts from Felix, my egoic self. Felix thrives on fear and all its associated emotions – anger, hate, separation, frustration, anxiety, envy, exasperation, and resentment. Those are the emotions that I have learned to associate with being alive, being alert, being critically knowledgeable, and being mature. That’s what I’ve been taught.
That’s hogwash! – and I know it.
Still, those are the first and very powerful thoughts that I sense. Then I begin to remember the lessons I’ve learned in A Course in Miracles (ACIM). My ego thrives on fear. It hungers for it, but it cannot stand being recognized as the source of my fear. So, it must blame you for it. My anger, hate, separation, frustration, anxiety, envy, exasperation, and resentment are your fault. My problems are out there somewhere. I would be better off and happier if the Supreme Court had kept its big mouth shut. I’d be better off if Obama weren’t the president. I’d be more relaxed and serene if….. I’d be more at ease and able to live more happily, more joyously and more freely if only you would change.  Change what? Well, most everything about yourself.
Why can’t folks seem to get that? Why must they fight, argue and resist my wonderful unsolicited suggestions? “My intentions are honorable,” I say to myself while Felix grins, rubs his hands and chuckles. After all my intentions are to get you to assume you ARE responsible and try – hopelessly – to make me happy.
What does really begin to make me happy is to realize what I’m doing to myself. I realize, release and relax. The 3 R’s: Realization: I understand the game Felix plays (fear) and the images (or perceptions) he creates. I fully begin to realize it when my serenity, calm, and joy are flying out the window. Releasing: I know I cannot will myself to think differently, so I forgive myself for projecting these false perceptions and believing them while, at the same time, forgiving the perception of you I have created. Then I ask the Holy Spirit to provide me with a new way of seeing the situation or person. Relaxing: I still myself and continue my training in learning how to listen for the whispers of God – the small voice I hear behind the raucous cacophony of the boisterous committee that is clamoring in my head. I don’t try to stop those voices. I can’t. I simply continue to learn how to ignore them and listen for the whispers.
I understand, most assuredly, you cannot relate to any of this. However, I thank you for allowing me to crystalize my thoughts for my continued growth.
Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.
Have a happy 4th of July.
#1 Jul 2015
Copyright 2015

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