Saturday, April 30, 2016

Me, Myself, I and the Holy Spirit

I have titled this message “Me, Myself, and I,” none of which I really am. I am an already-loved eternal spirit that is One with the Holy Spirit.
I have written many times in many ways about how I perceive events, situations and people – all outside of me – as the cause of my discomfort or stress. If “they” would only act better, be more considerate, or be truly aware of what I was telling them, then I would not be so upset. If our political situation were more “grown-up,” I wouldn’t be in such a state of anger or irritation. If that dumb-ass hadn’t tried to cut me off, I wouldn’t have had to swerve which tipped my coffee over, ruined the papers in the passenger seat and “made” me late for my appointment.
Rationally, of course, sitting in my office at my laptop, I intellectually know that events and situations “outside” of me are not what cause my distress. I know that people do not cause me distress.
That intellectual knowledge? Well, lotta good that does me.
I am also intellectually aware that trying to “fix” my external environment will no bring me peace, serenity, and joy. More money won’t. More clothes won’t. A different AA Group won’t. A newer car won’t. More Republicans in office won’t – nor will more Democrats.
That intellectual awareness? Well, lotta good that does me, too.
I have to understand, on a visceral level, who the “Me” or “I” really is when I am speaking or thinking. The “I” that says to myself, “I really need a newer, more reliable car” is a different “I” than the one that says to my Holy Spirit, “I can’t do this anymore. Help “me” perceive things the way You see them.”
I am beginning to be able to discern the subtle difference between my egoic “I,” who I call Felix, and the real, inner Donnie, my True Self, who both asks for guidance and is getting better at tuning in to hear the whispers of the Holy Spirit amidst the din of all Felix’s voices.
That’s a start for me. It DOES do me a lotta good.
I have learned in AA that 99% of my discomfort, irritation, anger and fear comes from trying to control people, places or things. That’s why the Serenity Prayer focuses on asking for the wisdom to know the difference between what I can and cannot change. And when I think about it the only thing I can really change is my attitude and subsequent actions.
I was recently reminded of another AA saying that I had forgotten about. It makes the same point I’m making here, but from the flip side. It’s a thought you may want to ponder this week:
"If I'm not the problem, there is no solution."
As I stated last week: “This means to me that everything is always internal. “I” am always the issue. Trying to control external events, people, or situations is futile, frustrating, exasperating, and disappointing. That is not a picture of peace and serenity.
“It’s always internal!”
Strive for control over your experience of the events/situations/people of your life – not control over the events/situations/people themselves.
#1 May 2016

Copyright 2016

No comments:

Post a Comment